Coping With Miscarriage
Coping With Miscarriage - Honor Your Baby
Coping with miscarriage is a process with little public ceremony. Funerals are not given. Masses are not performed. And condolences from family and friends usually end after two weeks (by then, many people assume the parents should feel fine). However, memorializing the child (even months or years after the miscarriage) offers much comfort to the mother and father who deserve to mourn their loss.
Coping With Miscarriage - Memorialize Your Child
Coping with miscarriage emerges from remembering the child, not forgetting him or her. Here are a few suggestions for remembering the short life of a precious child:
- Name the child. Through this action, the baby becomes an individual person who may be recalled by name.
- Plant a tree or buy a house plant in remembrance of the child. In this way, a life grows for years in the child's place.
- Donate to a children's charity in the child's name.
- Buy a Christmas gift for a needy girl or boy in honor of the miscarried child.
- Conduct a memorial service and invite close family and friends. Light candles, play music, pray and have each person bring a small token representing their thoughts for the child (like poems, stories, letters, trinkets). Save these gifts in a special memory box or bag.
- Create a memory album/journal.
- Talk about the child. Express any feelings and memories about him or her to another person. In this way, others will remember the child and will also become educated about the tragedy that surrounds miscarriage.
- Pray for the child each day.
- Attend a support group-a place where the grief process is validated and where children are remembered together.
Coping With Miscarriage - It's a True Loss, So It's OK to Grieve
Coping with miscarriage, although difficult, offers freedom from unresolved grief. Letting go of unneeded guilt, accepting God's love, and remembering the blessing of a short-lived life create an atmosphere for healing. Remember, the pain of miscarriage may never truly disappear, but the hurt lessens as one utilizes constructive coping skills. Tears will fall and, at the same time, hearts will slowly piece themselves back together.
Material referenced in Woman Doctor's Guide to Miscarriage by Lynn Friedman, M.D., with Irene Daria, New York: Hyperion Publishing, 1996.
If you need help with your loss, we recommend the following: Quiet Refuge.
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