Dealing With Jealousy

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Dealing with jealousy - What are the ways?

Jealousy is an emotion that can be very damaging to ANY relationship. It can also prevent you from growing emotionally. It is not the same thing as envy. Jealousy wants what someone else has. Envy is when you don't want someone else to have what you don't have. If a person is jealous, they already have what is desired but they are afraid of losing it.

When you are feeling jealous, you are undergoing an emotional combination of anger, dependency, hurt, and self doubt. When you spend time focusing on what you are not, this is a result of insecurity.

Sometimes when we are afraid of losing something, we actually cause it to happen because of our actions and behaviors. All our thoughts and actions are centered around our fears and insecurities. This causes more fear and insecurity. These feelings cause other harmful feelings and may result in us indulging in self pity.

What are some ways of dealing with jealousy?
  • Develop independence. We need to be sure we are not overly dependant on any one person. We need to focus on the good things we have and not on what we don't have.

  • Focus on developing more confidence and attractiveness. Sometimes something simple like getting our hair done or changing our style of clothing can help. Taking a course on self esteem or assertiveness is also beneficial.

  • Be honest with yourself. Sit down with paper and list things that are making you jealous. Look at it objectively. Are these things silly or trivial or are they really important?

  • Communicate with the person who is the object of your jealousy. Tell them your feelings. Is that person doing something that is causing you to be jealous? Letting them know can often help the problem. If this other person cares for you, they will work on changing the behavior that is adding to your jealousy. Being aware of your feelings can also help you cope better.

    Realize that jealousy shows your lack of self esteem and uncertainty of your own worth. Work on taking a really good self evaluation. This experience can be a wonderful learning opportunity for you. Work on communication with other people. Work on developing confidence.

  • Study your rival. Look closely at the person you are jealous about. What do you like and dislike about the person? Are his or her qualities beyond your abilities? Be sure you are not being unrealistic about that person. Are you seeing things as they really are? Take control of your feelings. Terminate the relationship if nothing else seems to work. Take the time to concentrate on your own growth. Work at trying to understand and improve your relationship.

  • Do not overreact. Remember, most incidents are temporary so don't magnify what happened. Serious jealousy stems from a fear of loss, reputation, control of ourselves, our spouses, or relationships. Losing control of our emotions and feelings will only make things worse.



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