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How Do I Overcome Jealousy in a Marriage?
As much as we would like to deny it, all couples have feelings of jealousy in a marriage from time to time. Wives often struggle with strong feelings of jealousy when they see their husbands talking to another woman. Husbands can also feel a bought of jealousy when they see their wife paying too much attention to another man.
Jealousy in marriage can also take the form of one parent being jealous over another parent's undue attention to the children instead of the marriage partner. This may occur when there is a new child in the household. The mother often has to spend extra time caring for and nurturing the infant which leaves the husband feeing left out in the cold.
Of course this works both ways: a wife can also feel jealous over a husband spending extra time playing with or hanging out with their children. The wife in this case is left on the sidelines wondering when her time is going to come and when it doesn't, jealous feelings arise.
Jealousy in and of itself is not a bad thing. There are times when we need to be jealous because of a certain situation or a certain event happening in our lives. An example of this would be a spouse who is cheating on his or her mate. In these situations, jealousy allows us to confront the person and tell them why we are feeling that way in a calm and orderly manner. Jealousy is one of those emotions that is self-serving and often leads to feelings of anger and self-doubt. The main thing we need to remember is not to let the jealousy consume us but allow it to guide us.
Jealousy left unchecked can arouse fury and lead to destructive behavior. The problem with jealousy is that most of the time the jealousy is unfounded. It is simply our misrepresentation of the facts whereby we have taken an innocent situation and turned it into a crisis. Jealousy in marriage can be a stumbling block and can eventually erode away a close bond between spouses.
There are five basic steps you can take to lessen the severity of your jealousy or even eliminate it altogether.
Start thinking of jealousy as an emotion that happens inside of you. This means that even if your spouse looks at other people and you get jealous, you have control over that jealousy. Do not let jealousy take control of you. In short, your reaction to jealousy is what you make of it.
Determine to seek the truth. Make sure your jealousy is solely based upon what your spouse is doing and not on something you are not doing. There are those times in your marriage where it seems to you that your partner is seeking satisfaction elsewhere, such as in a hobby or hanging out with friends. Your insecurities trigger a false perception of the whole situation. Or maybe you are jealous because you know you have failed to carry out you duties in the marriage and you see your spouse getting fulfillment from another source.
When you discover the true source of your jealousy, take the time to talk to your spouse about how you feel and why. Let them know that you are jealous and let them know it is because you have failed to do this or that and now he/she is filling in the gaps by doing other things. Your honesty will help to build the relationship and strengthen the marriage ties.
Seek guidance. Talking to a family member, friend, or pastor. A lot of times in marriage the truth of a situation will get lost in all the words. This is when we need an impartial source to help us sort out the details of our jealousy. Remember when choosing this avenue of approach, do not choose someone who is particularly close to either spouse, but one who will give you an unbiased opinion.
A word of warning: make sure you are ready to hear the truth and be willing to have an open mind to any solutions. Remember it takes two people to make a marriage and it takes two people to work through any problems in that marriage. Who knows; maybe the solution could be as simple as sharing responsibilities with the children or giving up some of your free time each week for just the two of you.
Talk to each other. Not just idle chit chat, such as "how are you dear?", but a good heart-felt talk. It is easy to talk to each other when friends are around, but the true measure of a good relationship is how well you talk to each other when it's just the two of you. I have seen too many married couples who spend their free time alone. Communication is important in a marriage, especially in instances of jealousy or envy. Each spouse must again be open, honest, and willing to hear the truth.
A good way to communicate is to write down what you feel and then talk about it. Do not mock or ridicule what the other believes, but listen and learn from what is being written and said. Marriage is work that is done one day at time. So if your jealousy is caused by something from the past, be willing to forgive and forget and move on into the future together.
Seek professional counseling. Sometimes it is embarrassing to seek out a professional to help you through your problems. I know the first time I had to seek professional help for a marital problem, I felt like I did not have the ability to work through my own problems. What I learned was that sometimes, I don't. I need help. If your jealousy is out of control, seek professional help before it ruins your marriage.
Too many couples give up on their marriage when all they had to do was work through the problem with some help from a professional. Don't feel that seeking professional help is a cop-out; but see it as a step in the right direction.
How can you overcome jealousy in marriage? It won't be easy because each of us comes into a marriage with our own personal baggage and sometimes it takes a while to unload those bags. The trick is to work at your marriage and repack the bags with memories that you have shared together. Jealousy is a common emotion, even in marriage, but if you are willing and take the right steps, it can be overcome.
Learn More About Overcoming Jealousy Now!
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