Rape Intimacy

QUESTION: Rape – Can there be intimacy again?

ANSWER:

Can there be intimacy after rap? There can be intimacy again, if you are willing to work at it. It’s not something that will come easily. However, anything worth having is worth working at.

When you begin to process the grief you feel over what you’ve lost, you will go through many stages. These are the same stages people experience who have lost a loved one. It takes time to work through them all. It takes God’s mercy and grace.

Each day when you awake, it is there. Some days you feel like you are reliving the entire, horrible experience. You think life will never be “normal” again. You wonder if finding intimacy with anyone is ever possible again. Intimacy is more than a physical act between a man and a woman. It is the deepness that comes from sharing your life with your spouse.

To regain your intimacy, there are things that must be done. First you have to trust God. You have to believe He was there and He saw your pain. God did not abandon you. In His plan, there is a way He will use your experience to help others. This may not be a great comfort to you if your violation was recent, but as you trust God, He will reveal His plan to you.

Next, you have to forgive your perpetrator. This is not condoning what he did, but forgive him. Why? Because God won’t forgive our sins if we do not forgive those who sin against us. Doesn’t sound fair, does it? Yet, Jesus, who was without sin came to the earth to die for us who are full of sin. We must forgive because it frees us from bondage. And this freedom allows the weight we’ve been carrying to be lifted. As one who has walked in your shoes, these are not just words. These words are truth. Forgiveness is freeing.

It is important to remember that intimacy is more than sex. God wants us to be intimate with Him. It delights His heart when we share our lives with Him. Praise Him for the trials. Praise Him for the good times. Share your life, your heart, your soul with Him.

One thing that has provided me comfort as I have processed the trials of my life is remembering no one can get through to my soul. People may hurt me, people may hurt you, but your inner person is protected.

Can you find intimacy again? Physical intimacy is, indeed, possible. There will be times when you have to let your spouse know what you are feeling. Be open and honest. They are going through this too. They really want to help but don’t know how to do it. When you share with them, you invite them into a part of your life that needs comforting.

Regaining intimacy is a lifelong process of ups and downs. However, don’t get discouraged. Keep turning to our God. He is faithful and He is just.