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What are the stages of grief?
If you have recently lost a loved one, you are hurting and wondering when the pain will subside. Understanding the stages of grief can be helpful to prepare you for each phase. However, it is important to note that each person reacts differently to loss; there is no standard grieving process.
There are three important words to understand when learning the stages of grief:
Loss: being deprived of, or being without, someone or something we once treasured and valued.
Grief: the confusion, thoughts, feelings, suffering, and pain caused by loss.
Mourning: the external expression of grief; crying, talking, funerals, rituals, celebrating special anniversary dates that held meaning for the person who died, planting a tree in their honor, etc.
Every loss is unique and touches people in individual ways. Although stages of grief differ for each person, there are stages that most people experience.
Shock and Panic: We question, "Is this really happening?"
Denial: "No, this is not happening to me! There must be some mistake!"
Anger: "Why me?" Sometimes our questions are aimed at God, doctors, caregivers, family, self, or the one who died.
Bargaining: We promise, "God, I promise, if you will just. . .for me, I swear I will. . ."
Guilt: We tell ourselves, "If only I had. . ." or "I should have. . ."
Depression: Loneliness, self-pity, and isolation are emotional drainers that can cause depression.
Acceptance: Finally, we accept: "I can't deny it any longer; it really did happen to me."
Hope and Healing: "I'll survive. It was really tough, but I'm going to make it.''
Refocus: We focus on becoming better, not bitter.
Those who have gone through the loss of a loved one have submitted some helpful tips for going through the process of grief and accepting the reality of the loss:
- Allow yourself to experience the pain of grief.
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Do your best to adjust to an environment where the deceased is missing.
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Take the emotional energy you would have spent on the one who died and invest it in another relationship or cause. This honors their memory.
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Realize that God doesn't change because your circumstances change. God still loves you and always will.
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Stay connected to your family and friends. We all need human touch. Find a small group or an accepting, non-judgmental friend who will meet you regularly for coffee, lunch, prayer, etc.
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Give up your demand to understand it completely; you never will.
While all these skills are helpful, the ultimate healing is found in a person. Take your troubles to the Lord. He understands.
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